Glam Slam, Pt. 1

Throw any two random flavors together. See what it tastes like. Sell it.

This was the flavor-making policy of Snapple back in the early-to-mid 1990s. Strawberry-kiwi-apple juice. Watermelon-lime tea. Green tea with mushrooms and dingleberries. It was a difficult time to be a snacksnob. Of course, this trend continues today, only with beloved soft drinks like Coca-Cola. The main offenders are Vanilla Coke and Lime Coke. Now that Vanilla Coke is seeing the end of its days, Coca-Cola has introduced a new Black Cherry Vanilla variety, something Dr. Pepper did last year. I'm so appalled by all of this grandstanding that I haven't even tried this new abomination. Maybe it's delicious? I'll be sure and let y'all know. . . . in the meantime, check out the amazing folks at Salute to Soda for more info about any and all of your soft-drink questions.

Here's my point. I have to seriously curtail my soft drink intake. I'm just emerging from a 2-week bout of flu, during which I only drank one Coca-Cola (my dearest friends understand the significance of this ). I've thought long and hard, looked deep into my soul, considered my lifestyle and the indulgences I still enjoy, and have concluded that a changes have to be made vis-a-vis my lifelong addiction to sweet, adorable, precious Coca-Cola. I know I may regret this decision in a few weeks when I'm sitting down to pizza or enjoying a bag of the new Black Pepperjack Dorito's. Perhaps, for the first time in a very long time, I'll get back in touch with my Texan roots and investigate the refreshment of iced tea. Or maybe I'll just drink liquid cocaine. Something. Stay tuned, obviously.

By the way, Lebron's Lightening Lemonade Bubblicious gum tastes like lemons soaked in pine cone with a hint of Vietnamese temple incense. I was really disappointed because I wanted it to be tangy and mouth-watering. Instead, I almost threw up my dinner.